Advanced Remediation

Dear Penthouse

2006-04-18T09:12:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted here for over 45 days. Did you miss me? Doubt it...

Anyway, a particular event happened yesterday morning, which has inspired this post. Now I've never read any of those letters to penthouse (Like Robin Williams, "I swear I only buy it for the pictures of naked women!"), but I decided to do this post in that style.

Dear Penthouse,

I am an average joe at the office. Not unattractive, but no supermodel, if you take my meaning. Not much ever really happens at the office: I sit at my desk, do my work, and occaisionally gaze out the window. Not that I have much of a view. Last year, they completed work on the building next door, converting it from an old office building into luxury furnished apartments for the super-rich who are in town for a limited period of time, or who need a place to stay while their $5 million house is being constructed.

Needless to say, as construction commenced, there were running jokes around the office about how some immodest teenage bikini models were moving in to the apartment across the way, and whatnot. None of it was true, of course, just fantasies of the over-worked and underpaid middle class geeks who inhabit the office. In fact, until yesterday, I had not really seen anyone over there except for the occaisional cleaning staff.

But that all changed when I came into the office yesterday. Yesterday was overcast and a little drizzly. I got to my desk a few minutes after 9am, and sat down to change my shoes and logon to my computer, my standard office arrival routine. I noticed almost immediately that there was a light on in the window across from my office--the first time this had happened since the building was completed. The blinds were open enough for me to see that I was looking into an empty bedroom, and I turned my attention back to the same morning routine I have followed for years: change shoes, logon, get a glass of water, check e-mail, etc.

Suddenly, a flicker of movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. As I turned my head to see what it was, I realized that it was in the apartment I noticed earlier. Remembering the jokes my office buddies used to make, I felt a brief thrill of excitement quashed almost immediately by the thought that it was probably some middle-aged, overweight hairy guy walking around in his tighty-whities.

But no, the thrill of excitement returned, rekindled by the sight of a young, beautiful woman with flowing dark hair. She was entering the room, and, oh, my God, she was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around her waist. I could almost see the beads of water from her shower quivering on swells of her full, bare breasts. Her nipples were standing out at attention, and she walked with a strut that was almost a swagger, inviting all onlookers to view and enjoy her nakedness.

I don't think she saw me; she continued her morning routine, which I observed was much more interesting to me than my own moring ritual, by walking to the mirror and proceeding to brush her long, dark hair. I could see her reflection from the window, enjoying tantalizing views of her chest in the mirror, and her towel-wrapped backside as she spent several minutes grooming and preaning.

Then she left the room and disappeared. I sat stunned with wonder at what I had just seen, my heart racing, my breathing heavy, and my eyes searching in desperation for her naked return.

I was rewarded a moment later when she again pranced about the room in all of her topless glory and unabashed innocence. She disappeared again and then returned wearing pants and a bra, and as she pulled on her shirt, I knew the show was over.

But if tomorrow morning is anything like today, I think I'll have a new morning routine.

Sincerely,

Watching from the Window
Washington, DC

Um, yeah, so I guess I got a little carried away, but isn't that the point of these things? Just as a side-note, the cleaning crew came in yesterday after she dressed and left, and they closed the blinds. This morning, the blinds were open again, but no sign of the girl.

The worst part is that I've had this office for just over two years, and this is the first time anything like this has ever happened. And now... NOW... I'm being moved to another office, in another building, without a window.

Just my luck...

Protecting "Traditional" Marriage

2006-02-01T10:20:00.000-05:00

Could someone please explain to me why banning same-sex marriage is somehow "protecting traditional marriage?" I just don't understand how granting marriage rights to one group somehow lessens the rights of another group who already enjoy those rights. So what, exactly, are you trying to protect marriage from?

A Baltiomre Circuit Court judge recently ruled that same-sex marriage is constitutional in the state of Maryland; however, the ruling has been appealed. Rather than wait for the issue to be resolved through the judicial system, and pursuant to the call of Gov. Ehrlich (R), members of the GOP in the Maryland House of Delegates are pushing to change the law with a proposal to amend the Constitution put forth by Del. Donald H. Dwyer Jr. (R-Anne Arundel). If approved in the House by a three-fifths (3/5) vote, the issue will be put on the November ballot.

Not only does the proposal seek to define marriage as the union of one man to one woman, it also "would nullify local laws in Montgomery County and Baltimore that allow gay public employees to extend health benefits to their partners and to own property jointly." (Washington Post)

Ridiculous! By this logic, we should bring back segregation, and slavery... revoke women's right to vote, enact laws against Jews owning property, and just for kicks, revive Prohibition!

Elbridge James, the NAACP chief, said his group would view a constitutional ban as a return to the 1860s, the 1870s and the 1920s, "when African Americans lost their rights."

...

Jamin B. Raskin, an American University law professor... said, "[the proposed bill] wildly overshoots the mark" by eliminating basic rights available to gays now. He called it the first amendment of its kind since Prohibition specifically aimed at taking away rights, instead of advancing them.

"This bill would turn the Bill of Rights into a bill of wrongs," he said.

(Also from the Post)

It truly amazes me how backward this country is sometimes. Even Civil Unions are degrading in a way--it's the "separate but equal" argument all over again, which is certainly separate, and anything but equal. If Civil Unions are actually equal to Marriage, then why aren't they just called Marriages? Even the simple act of specifying a unique term suggests that the two institutions are not equal.

It's like saying, "2 = 2, unless it's 2 gay people, then it equals the union of 1 + 1."

We need to stop discriminating based on sexual orientation, and grant the same legal rights and privlidges to all couples.

Commuting

2006-01-24T09:52:00.000-05:00

According to the U. S. Census Bureau, I am classified as an "extreme commuter" because my commute lasts at least 90 minutes, door-to-door. This may sound like a long commute, but it's really not so bad, since most of that time (about 50 minutes) I'm on the train between Baltimore Penn Station and Washington Union Station. I usually read the paper in the morning, or catch up on some extra sleep. In the afternoons, I used to do the same thing... but not anymore.

Now I ride in the Bar Car.

Yesterday morning was the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. I'm not going to make arguments (political, ethical, legal or otherwise) on the correctness of the ruling; however, I would like to rant for a few minutes about how it affected my commute. Every year, there is a March for Life in DC for anti-abortion protestors. On the train yesterday was a school group from Good Shepherd, a Catholic school in Perryville, MD.

Now I am all for freedom of expression... if the kids from Good Shepherd want to march, I have no problem with that. What I have a problem with is them taking over the train as if it were a school bus.

It wasn't really the kids who bothered me, it was the teachers/chaperones. Every 5 minutes, they were demanding the attention of the car to go over rules for the day's events. Then, at the insistence of their teacher, they played the "toilette paper game," which consisted of giving students on each side of the train car a roll of toilette paper to pass from seat to seat, unrolling without breaking as it went. It was a race to see who could unroll down the row and back the fastest. Totally obnoxious at 7:30am.

I'm all for fun and revelry, but damn it, not at 7:30am! And not by wasting valuable paper products. See, I'm really grumpy in the morning, mostly because it's morning, and I'm awake.

To their credit, the kids were pretty well behaved. I guess they were junior high kids, so they mostly chatted, played with their cell phones and mp3 players, and generally stayed in their seats and didn't bother anyone outside their group. But something about the teacher really grated on me.

Maybe it was the 20 minute dissertation on how the students must be well-behaved, because they were not only representing themselves, and their parents, but also their school, their church, the diocease of Wilmington, the Catholic Church as a whole, and God himself. Nevermind that her ranting to the whole car about the importance of good behaviour was the rudest thing I happened to see from the group... but I'm sure it made God proud that the teachers of his blessed school in Perryville are socially inept.

Makes me want to send a letter to the school suggesting that next year, they get a bus...

Is it hypocritical of me to complain about this school group and then contribute to the afternoon festivities (which are also loud and obnoxious) of the "bar car?"

Maybe.

But it's my blog, and I'll bitch if I want to...

Patrick Henry Had it Right

2006-01-17T11:34:00.000-05:00

The U. S. Supreme Court ruled today that the Oregon state law allowing terminally ill persons wishing to end their lives gracefully the right to seek medical assistance from doctors is outside the scope of drug regulation by the FDA. It seems that the Bush administration, under the leadership of former Attorney General Ashcroft, was threatening to bring legal action against doctors who engaged in this activity, citing federal drug use regulations.

The central question was the issuance, by the Attorney General, of an interpretive ruling, which asserted that assisted suicide was not a "legitimate medical purpose" under the Controlled Substances Act. The majority of the court found that the Attorney General lacked the authority to make this determination, based in part on his lack of expertise in the field of medicine, and in part on the specific assignment of authority under the CSA, which did not include the assignment of these broad powers of interpretation with respect to medical standards to the Attorney General. Essentially, the interpretive rule would have subverted the state of Oregon's right to determine its own medical standards, thus shifting the state-federal balance of power (in the majority's determination) in such a way never intended by the Congress through the CSA.

I'm glad to see this ruling. I don't like the idea that the Bush administration is using scare tactics to legislate supposed morality. Commonly accepted standards of medical ethics include Voluntas aegroti suprema lex, or autonomy: in this case the right of the patient to choose or refuse treatment. Also included is dignity. Is it dignified to suffer needlessly? To watch oneself or a loved one wither away in body, mind, or spirit because of a debilitating, terminal disease? Isn't one cure for an incurable disease a dignified passing? Couldn't this best be accomplished through medical means, rather than other (possibly messier) methods of suicide?

I hear that drowning is an easy way to go (Virginia Woolf walking into a river with rocks in her pockets) or carbon monoxide poisoning. But how is sitting in one's car in the garage with a hose from the tailpipe to the window more dignified than seeking a physician's aide? How is dying in a hospital bed under controlled medical conditions wrong, when the alternative is to throw oneself into the river, only to have the bloated, decomposing body wash ashore weeks or months later? How is this dignity?

...

On another personal liberty note, Chris Miller recently posted commentary on the NSA's illegal spying activities. Since his comments are hosed at the moment, I thought I'd add my disgust that a recent poll found that half of all Americans think that it's okay for the NSA to spy on them illegally. Only 46% were opposed, and the remaining four percent didn't know what a wiretap was.

Along with the smoking ban in DC, yet another degredation of personal liberty...

Busted for Driving... Sober?!

2006-01-13T11:54:00.000-05:00

Now this falls under stupidity...

TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese driver, afraid of having to take a breath-test, fled a police drink-driving checkpoint even though he was well under the legal alcohol limit, but ended up crashing his car.
The 44-year-old man drove through the checkpoint on a road in the western Japanese city of Ikeda late Wednesday. Pursuing police officers found the car about half a mile away, upside down in a dry riverbed below the road.

...

A spokesman for the Osaka prefectural police said the man was not in breach of drunk-driving laws and they were treating the case as a simple traffic accident.

Maybe he drives better when he's drunk...

New Dishwasher

2005-12-27T20:17:00.000-05:00

New dishwasher. Bought, installed, and running. Hope we don't trip a breaker...

Oh yeah, new sink and faucet installed too, but weren't worth pictures.

UPDATE: Actually, NOW it's running. After we installed it, it ran once, then died. The Troubleshooting guide said something about a heater circuit, and directed us to call support. They came this morning and said that the heating circuit wire had come undone--something fairly common, I gather. I hope that this means that I won't be washing dishes by hand (again) tonight...

He Found a Friend

2005-12-23T17:38:00.000-05:00

My brother-in-law is visiting for the holidays. Guess he and the dog are getting along well.

New CEO.

2005-12-14T17:35:00.000-05:00

New CEO. My boss's boss was named the new CEO. Hopefully, this is good news for me. I think it is.

Sexsomnia?! What Bull...

2005-12-05T09:16:00.000-05:00

Some guy in Canada sexually assaulted some chick he picked up at a party, by having sex with her while she was asleep. But he was acquitted of charges when a Canadian jury found that he was not responsible for his actions because he suffers from "sexsomnia" and wasn't awake himself during the incident.

Luedecke confessed to police after he discovered was still wearing a condom and realized he had had sex.

Right here we know he's guilty of sexual assault... how the hell does one manage to put on a condom while asleep? Half the time I struggle when I'm awake and sober...

Read the full story.

New Idea for the PSP Retirement Home

2005-11-15T10:37:00.000-05:00

You may remember a few months back we kicked around the idea of a fraternity nursing home complete with

24 hour pitch games, and Nascar Wheelchair racing in the halls, it would be staffed by all Fraternity Brethren who are also nurses, and doctors, etc.

(thanks Brother Finn).

Well we also need a pub (Courtesy Yahoo! News)!

Hey, if the Irish can do it...

I'm Still Kickin'...

2005-11-15T10:17:00.000-05:00

No, really! I'm still alive.

Just been... eh... busy. Current project: building a fence. I'm just tired of chasing my dog through the neighborhood.

So I was supposed to go to Atlanta this weekend for NC, but didn't make it. Too many other things going on right now. Kinda bummed about it, but thanks to Big Dave and the Italian Whore for thinking of me this weekend. I DID get my wife to commit to going to the AC in San Juan in June. So there's something to look forward to.

My step daughter (it sounds so weird to say it) and her husband and my GRANDCHILDREN (THAT REALLY SEEMS WEIRD!!) are moving here. Well, near here... about an hour away, but much closer than the 3,000 miles they were in CA. We're dog-sitting starting tonight, until they settle on the house and the furniture arrives next week.

Dad is still chillin'. He has his good days and his bad ones... he's been irritated a lot lately. Mostly b/c we're changing things... new TV cabinet; new fence; new ceiling fans, etc. It's the process of change that irritates him... once the TV cabinet was built and put in place, it was as if it had always been there.

Guess that's the general update with my life. I should be a regular read once more, for those of you who read.

Long Live King Mike?!

2005-10-12T13:03:00.000-05:00

Historians have recently discovered documentary evidence that the rightful heir to the British throne lives in Australia, and operates a forklift.

His Royal Majesty King Mike I, as he would be called, is a British expatriate who holds the title of the Earl of Loudoun, but his family lacked the funds to support the lifestyle of the gentry. Oddly enough, he is actually a Republican (not in the American sense; rather, he holds with the idea that Australia should sever ties with Britain).

On claims to the British throne, he says

I wouldn't take it if they offered it to me. Look at the life the royals lead.

But he may decide to try to recover some losses:

I reckon I might send Lizzie ( Queen Elizabeth II) a bill for back rent, the old girl's family have been living in my bloody castle for the last 500 years.

Silly Brits. Got nuthin' better to do with themselves...

Anyway, long live King Mike!

Bush: "God Made Me Do It"

2005-10-07T09:21:00.000-05:00

UPDATE: The White House has denied all of these allegations (set to air in a British documentary series about the conflict in the Middle East). Of course they'd deny it... God told them to.

According to this article, President Bush has claimed that the war on terrorism and the Iraqi invasion was, in actuality, not about oil or weapons of mass destruction, or the liberation of an oppressed people. It wasn't about protecting the "American way of life" or about playing the world's "cop." Nope, it was a religious crusade.

Shaath, now the Palestinian information minister, said: "President Bush said to all of us: 'I'm driven with a mission from God.

'God would tell me, 'George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan'.'

"And I did, and then God would tell me, 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq...' And I did.

"'And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, 'Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East.' And by God I'm gonna do it'," said Shaath.

See, a little known fact about Bush is that he talks to God. In the Oval office, between the RED phone that connects directly to the Pentagon and the BLUE phone that is dedicated to the Bat Cave, there is a WHITE phone that goes directly to God.

Well, not directly, St. Peter actually picks up when the big guy is golfing or in the tub...

Regardless, the Chief Executive of our country is making decisions not based on economic analysis, social policy research, or even a gut instinct. Nope, he consults a "higher power." That scares the shit out of me.

I mean, serial killers and other such criminals have claimed that God wanted them to do things.

I was raised in the Roman Catholic Church, and now I'm a devout atheist. Like Denis Leary, I can't believe in a church who derives clerical authority based on the size of the hat they wear. In fact, I don't follow any prescribed faith. And no, I'm not one of those tree-hugging hippie kooks who considers himself "spiritual but not religious." Closest I come to religion is Pastafarianism (The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster).

And I can't understand how the use of the resources of this country and the sacrifice of American lives to fight a war in Iraq can be justified by our Chief Executive claiming to get his marching orders from God.

Don't even get me started on separation of church and state... you know the part of the U.S. Constitution which reads: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..." (First Amendment). Freedom (termed here "free exercise") OF religion also means freedom FROM religion. The elected officials of this country should NOT be making policy decisions for this country based on their religious beliefs.

Even if God did call George up... though I'm beginning to suspect that it wasn't the Christian God on the other end of the phone... sounds more like Ares to me. You know that crazy cat likes to play games on the phone...

It's Okay to be Sexy

2005-10-05T14:07:00.000-05:00

Victoria's Secret has made some waves recently with their store displays.

An article in the Washington Post (registration required to read it online) quoted at least two women comparing the lingerie store to a house of ill repute:

"Little Shop of Whores," huffed one woman standing outside the new Victoria's Secret in Tysons Corner Center. "Slut wear," declared the father of a teenage girl, looking at a feathery-thong-clad mannequin bent over as if she were adjusting her spike heels.
...
"Well," said Steina Rubin of Bethesda, "I find it just totally disgusting." And, no, she would not be shopping there. "I'm not entering a whorehouse," she said. "I come to the mall with my daughter. It's disgusting. And I'm from Europe !"

Here's one picture of the store display (stolen shamelessly from the Washington Post's website for use without permission):

This isn't the first time that VS has been challenged by consumers for their racy store displays. Christian groups have been angered by the Angel ads; a 12 yr. old Alabama girl expressed displeasure over store displays; there is even an online petition to remove racy store displays.

So what's the big deal? Are people so insecure about sexuality these days that mannequins dressed in lingerie are somehow threatening? I'd really like to see a lingerie store which uses live models... perhaps even modeling specific items at customers' requests, maybe for tips or something. But that's just me (and most of the straight American male population, I'd wager).

Dad Stories

2005-10-04T08:05:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I posted anything about my Father-in-Law.

Hell, it's been a while since I posted ANYthing.

So here ya go. Random assorted stroies about dad.

Out to eat

Like when we went to dinner the other night, and got to desert. I ordered a piece of the chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake. It came with a chocolate chip cookie, which I know Dad likes.

FB: "Dad, do you want the cookie?"
D: "No, I don't need the cookie... I don't need it."
FB: "C'mon, it'll put hair on your chest."
D: "That's okay, I already got some. Don't I? (*looks at chest*) Yeah, I think I do."

It was cute... we all smiled, and thought the conversation was over. But it wasn't.

D (in a loud voice): "NOW IF IT GAVE ME A HARD-ON, I'D TAKE IT!"

So loud, in fact, that the guys in the booth behind us were crackin' up laughin'. As the FreshWife put it, I guess when you're 87 you can say pretty much anything you want.

.....

RennFest

We took Dad to the Rennaisance Festival this past weekend. I wore my kilt, of course, and Dad kept making fun of me for wearing a "skirt." That's okay, he had a good time. Got to watch the elephants (but didn't want to ride them), got his picture with the King and Queen (and had no clue who they were), and watched a few shows (and fell asleep for many of them).

No, Dad had fun looking at the cleaveage. We got a wheelchair for him, and I pushed him around most of the day. At one point, he turned to me and said, "Be careful you don't run over them big titties" referring to a rather large and busty woman a few yards in front of us.

.....

Don't I got this place Rented?

I guess Dad has gotten comfortable living at my house. So much so, that he thinks it's HIS place. And he wants to charge me rent. And tell me how to live. And make all the decisions about things, like "them goddamn windows don't need to be open!" Nevermind that it's 85 degrees... or "Why are those plants in here? They don't need to be in here!" I guess he doesn't realize that winter in Baltimore is a little colder than winter in Long Beach.

So we tell him that it's not his place; that my wife has bought it. He gets pissed off if it's my place, but seems to be able to handle it being her place. Except he still wants to establish some kind of control... "oh, this is YOUR place, huh? Well what about the furniture, most of that is mine, isn't it?" See, if he owns the furniture, he can claim some measure of control over me.

.....

Wanderings

Sometimes Dad gets up in the middle of the night and roams about. Like the night he came to our room at something like 2am, looking for the cookies. Other times, he gets up early in the morning and wanders, like when he came into the bathroom while I was in the shower, not realizing that I was still IN the shower. And he proceeded to take a shit on the toilet, apologizing profusely when he finally realized that I was getting ready for work.

Or the morning when I was in the shower and thought the power had gone out. No, Dad had just woken up, seen the light on and, again not realizing that I was in the shower, turned the light off and went back to bed.

.....

Double Standards?

One morning we were having doughnuts and coffee on the deck. When the FreshWife finished her coffee, she let the dog lick the cup, which Dad found amusing. I finished my coffee shortly thereafter, and let the other dog lick my cup, which Dad commented on:

"What the hell are you lettin' that dog lick the cup for? If I'd a known you were goin' to do that, I'd have taken the cup and thrown it away."

Or we'll have a conversation like this:

D (to me): "Are you livin' here all the time now?"
FB: "Yes."
D (slightly agitated): "How come?!"
FB: "Because this is where I live."
D: "Who said?! This is my place, and I decide who lives here!"
FB: "This is HER place." (*pointing at FreshWife*)
D: "It isn't either! She don't got that kind of money to rent this place. I pay the rent here."

At which point, the FreshWife intervenes

FW: "Dad, this is MY place."
D: "Oh, it is? I didn't know that you got it. Okay, if it's your place then that's okay."

.....

Sports Freak

Dad watches a lot of sports. Why? Because there is no plot. Baseball is a favorite, and why shouldn't it be? As with most sports, one glance at the TV can tell you exactly what's going on in the game: score, inning, runners on, outs, and the count are all displayed at the top of the screen. So Dad doesn't have to remember what happened in the 3rd inning, or how many runs the O's scored... it's all summed up for him.

The problem is, we haven't watched anything but baseball or Animal Planet (more shows with no plots) in weeks. Why? Because Dad gets pissed off if you want to watch something he can't follow. The other night, we wanted to watch Dead Poets' Society, which we hadn't seen in a few years. But Dad got so upset by it, that he went to bed at about 7:30pm, saying, "I don't need to watch this SHIT."

Flying Spaghetti Monster

2005-09-22T10:40:00.000-05:00

Chris Miller recently posted on his blog an argument why Intelligent Design should not be taught in our public school science classes.

I disagree. If our school boards want to teach Intelligent Design as a possible alternative to Evolution, then by all means, go for it. But only if they are willing to give equal time to other ideas, which are just as valid.

For example, the

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

posits the existence of the Creator who has the whole world in his "noodly appendage." It offers evidence of global warming as a result of the decline of the pirate population, and many other ideas which have as much merit as those proposed by proponets of Intelligent Design.

Intelligent Falling is another idea which needs to be taught alongside (and in opposition to) gravity as the force of attraction between massive bodies.

The education of our children is, after all, of primary importance.

Windfall Taxes and More

2005-09-14T13:19:00.000-05:00

Ok, Ted gets a special plug because I just posted a comment to his site that was longer than his actual post debating (in a very roundabout, rambling, and tangential sort of way) the merits of a Windfall Tax on petroleum companies.

I'd repost it here, but it wouldn't make much sense as a post, and I like to send traffic to my friends...

Yeah, as if I have any traffic to send Ted... almost all of you who visit me visit him anyway...

This is Brilliant!

2005-09-07T13:23:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'll admit to having encouraged the objectification of women in my younger, stupider days. I used to go to parties with cans of whipped cream and a ton of mardi gras beads simply to see what would happen.

And happen things did...

But this takes the taco:

It must have been a guy who figured out that some women, who otherwise would not have the inclination, might be more likely to show some of their "pink bits" if it were for a good cause.

So go support the fight against breast cancer, and show us your tits!

Blog Thunderdome Strikes Again

2005-08-29T13:23:00.000-05:00

Remember the other day when I posted about Roasting the Weinerdog in the Blog Thunderdome?

Well it wasn't necessary after all. Both Heat Damage and The Weiner Dog Report have ceased to exist (yeah, that's why the links don't work). It appears that neither blog could take the heat of the Blog Thunderdome.

Sadly, however, HD withdrew first, so the Weiner Guy was the winner (weiner?) by default. It seems clear from the full verdict issued by the Holy Order of the Thunderdome (you know, the judges) that HD would have been the likely winner if only it had held on a few more days.

I love this junk... watching these people rip blogs to shreds rocks. Even if I run the risk of being ripped to shreds myself... it's still amusing.

Kutztown 13

2005-08-26T09:49:00.000-05:00

The Kutztown 13 are a group of high school kids who were part of a special new laptop education program at Kutztown Area High School in Berks County, PA. 600 kids were issued computers with software installed to prevent them from accessing certain sites on the internet and other resources. Software also allowed teachers and administrators to view what was on an individual student's screen. Remind anyone of Big Brother?

Anyway, the district IT people used part of the school's address as the password to administrative access on the PC's. Not only that, the password was actually PRINTED ON THE BACK OF THE LAPTOP.

No, really. I'm not making this up. See the Yahoo! News article on it.

Of course, the students were able to use the password (and other methods) to change or even eliminate the restrictions on their laptops, and proceeded to access inappropriate sites on the Internet, download software and music, including chat software, and in some cases, even gain full administrative access (allowing the student to monitor their teacher's use of the instructor's computer).

I would have too. In fact... when I was in high school... *the rest of this sentence has been removed as my attorney has advised me to invoke my 5th amendment right not to incriminate myself*

Now these kids are being charged with felony crimes. Ridiculous? Chime in at http://www.cutusabreak.org.

Actually, most of the kids have been offered a deal requiring community service and probation. Even so, the irresponsibility of the school district officials is clear. Sadly, an experimental program with great potential was flubbed up yet again by those too ignorant to assess correctly the dangers of putting 600 laptops in the hands of students and address those dangers effectively and fairly.

It's like the Kutztown Area High School administration said, "let's not teach our students how to use the computers... rather, we'll just prosecute them for being more creative and innovative than we think they should be..."

When will education be about education?

This Life is Rated NC-17

2005-08-22T09:25:00.000-05:00

My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?

Roast a Weiner

2005-08-20T15:55:00.000-05:00

If you haven't heard of the Blog Thunderdome, hosted by MaximumAwesome, go read about it, and come back.

Back? Good. Now go explain to me why The Weiner Dog Report seems to be getting better commentary than Heat Damage.

Granted, I may be partial here--I had a link to HD on my site before I ever knew that it would be a contestant in the Blog Thunderdome (small world, isn't it?). But seriously. Celebrity gossip from a weiner dog? Who reads all that crap anyway?

Should I care about what P. Diddy (or whatever he wants to be called today) is up to? And even if I did, aren't there better places to get the gossip than from a Weiner-licking fool?

I find it difficult to believe that people (at least the type of people I would want to hang with) actually get off on this type of shit.

So the actual point of this post is that since the author of Heat Damage seems to suffer from some form of delusion and believes in the arcahic definition of "fair play," he has not posted anything on his site about the Blog Thunderdome, whereas The Weiner Idiot has regularly encouraged his readership to go plug his site. Since HD sends me a few hits, the least I can do is try to send some traffic his way. And rally the troops for some support on his campaign to "Roast the Weiner."

Besides, I can't stand the thought of that Weiner-Jerker coming out on top (no pun intended).

Bottom line: Even if you don't agree with me, go express your opinion in the Blog Thunderdome. The more acerbic and witty, the better. And it's a great way to kill time at work (not that I would ever do that...).

Slightly New Look

2005-08-18T09:45:00.000-05:00

As you may have noticed, I've modified the look of Advanced Remediation slightly by adding some new graphics and ditching the weather box in the sidebar. Feedback welcome and appreciated.

San Diego Cancelled

2005-08-16T09:34:00.000-05:00

I was scheduled to go to San Diego for a conference next week, but due to life getting in the way, I will no longer be able to attend. Trouble is, it is too late to get a refund for the $1145 registration fee. So I wrote a letter (names have been changed to protect the innocent):

Ms. T-,

Thank you for returning my call regarding my registration for the 2005 [Company X] Conference. As I discussed with you on the phone, I will unfortunately be unable to attend this year’s event due to a recent family emergency. Given the circumstances and nature of this emergency, I hope that [Company X] will find it reasonable not to charge me the registration fee despite the fact that the cancellation period for refunds has passed. Per your request, I am sending this e-mail with further detail about why I need to cancel my registration.

My Mother-in-Law passed away several weeks ago after suffering a massive stroke that left her fully incapacitated. Per her wishes, no life support was given to her, except morphine for the pain and fluids to keep her hydrated and as comfortable as possible. She survived for 18 days without food before coming to her final rest. In the wake of this tragedy, my 87 year old Father-in-Law was left alone after his marriage of 65 years. To say the least, he was devastated. He also suffers hearing loss, vision loss in one eye, and is in the intermediate stages of Alzheimer’s Disease, although otherwise finds himself in good health. Quite obviously, my Father-in-Law could not continue to live in his apartment. My wife and I could not justify putting him in a home, especially so soon after his loss. Consequently, he has just moved in with us, and my wife is no longer working so that she can stay home with him to give him full-time personal care and attention. Thankfully, he is adjusting well, although he often forgets that his wife has passed away, and upon rediscovering this, begins the grieving process anew. The only thing we can do is to offer him the family support he so desperately needs.

Thursday evening, my Father-in-Law fell ill and had to be admitted to the emergency room with a fever of 101.4 degrees and a severe skin infection on his upper right arm, right ear, and his left forearm. After two nights at the hospital he was released, with antibiotics for the infection and medication to soothe the itch. We have thus far only received preliminary results from the blood work and urinalysis, but the doctor has intimated that my Father-in-Law may have cancer, and will need to go to return to the hospital for further testing. Since he just moved here, we have yet to establish a primary care physician or find specialists to address my Father-in-Law’s other ailments, all of which must be done as soon as possible.

As you can see, I cannot in good conscience leave my wife or Father-in-Law alone while I travel to San Diego to attend this year’s conference, nor can I bring him and my wife with me to the west coast. I also cannot afford to cover the registration fee of my own accord if I do not attend the conference, so I find myself in a difficult situation. With this in mind, I am requesting that you do not penalize me for my lateness in canceling my registration, and refund the full registration fee of the conference.

Thank you for your kind consideration in this matter.

Sincerely,

FreshBoy

Would YOU have given me my money back? They did...

Update on Dad

2005-08-16T09:05:00.000-05:00

Dad fell ill on Thursday with a fever and a skin rash. So after dinner, we took him to the emergency room. Filling out the paperwork was fun:

Nurse: "Married, Single, Divorced?"
Wife: "Widowed."
Nurse: "Retired? When?"
Wife: "Dad, when did you retire?"
Dad: "How the hell should I know? When DID I retire?"

And 20 minutes of like responses. But when they got him back to the emergency room, he was a scream. Some highlights:

Nurse (cute 20-yr old blonde): "How do you feel?"
Dad: "With my fingers."

...

X-Ray Technician (middle-aged black woman): "Can you come with me?"
Dad: "Sure thing sweetheart, are we gonna have some fun?"

And on returning...

Dad: "Okay, hun, we had a good time, didn't we?" (With a wink for my benefit.)

...

Technician (30's, hispanic): "I need to take some blood."
Dad: "Si, Si. Might have some bourbon in it."

...

Nurse (same blonde): "Here's some medicine for you, it will help with the itching."
Dad: "Where's my bourbon? That's all I need for medicine."

...

Doctor (young Indian gentleman): "We would like to examine his prostate. Can you communicate this to him?"
Wife and I (on the verge of laughing out loud): "No. Wait, let's try. Dad, roll over so he can stick his finger up your ass."

And so it went until about 2am, with dad entertaining the emergency ward of the hospital. In short, they don't know what's wrong with him. He has a skin infection which is being treated with antibiotics and something for the itch. They suspect that the fever and elevated pulse are symptoms of the infection. Spots on the chest X-Ray are a concern, and may be cancerous, so Dad will need further testing.

The rectal exam didn't show anything interesting.

Wedding in Raleigh

2005-08-16T08:29:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, my friend got married, and I had the honor and pleasure of being her attendant. Yes, I was a "BridesMAN."

It was a lovely affair with a rehearsal dinner at a Spanish Tapas Bar for 125, 23 in the wedding party, and 250 or so guests. There was a lovely reception at Exploris, a science museum aimed at kids, but a really cool venue.

And there was much drinking of alcohol. I got to see some old acquaintances and make some new friends. All-in-all, a wonderful weekend. Even if I did spend Friday night sleeping on a gun. The guy I stayed with is a Clemson grad who is now a U. S. Customs agent who stashed his Glock Model 19 under my mattress.

Princess and the pea-shooter?

He Has His Good Days

2005-08-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

Life with Dad is getting easier. Yesterday, he was in a pretty good mood most of the day, as reported by the FreshWife (that's "Mrs. FreshBoy" to YOU!). He came with her to pick me up at the train station after work, and was all smiles, and happy to see me.

He was very concerned that he should have gotten into the back, so I could ride in the front. Then he politely rolled up his window so I wouldn't get too much air in the back. Nevermind the sweat rolling off my forehead--he's 87, it's cold to him.

We got home, and my Mrs. FreshBoy told me to have Dad help me put together the laundry basket/hamper thing. She has this hamper with a plastic frame that is something like PVC pipe, and it has two net bags that hang from the frame (one for darks, one for whites). We disassembled it for the move, and she couldn't figure out how to put it back together, so Dad was happy to help me do it after work.

He only asked about his apartment in CA a few times, and didn't get too belligerent when we told him that he lives in Baltimore now.

In all, it was a pretty good day with Dad. He has a great sense of humor, and was joking with me all night long. He seems to feel more comfortable in the house, which is a good thing. And he wants to help with everything--a marked change from:

FB: "So are you going to help?"
D: "I'm not gonna help. That's not my job. I don't care."

So yesterday, we had him cutting out coupons. It's a familiar task, and one which he seems to take some pleasure in doing. And it's good for his hands, and better for his mind than sitting in his comfy chair, watching the idiot box and sleeping.

There was talk this weekend of a PSP retirement home... Finn is pushing this idea hard... part of the frat's 10 year vision or something. I'd SO be all over that.

GC 05

2005-08-09T10:51:00.000-05:00

I've been slackin' lately, so here's an update about this past weekend in the "Burgh." Instead of doing shout-outs aimed at particular people, because I invariably miss people, I'll hit some highlights:

1. Finding the knife at the top of the stairs. Using it.

2. Witnessing two separate, yet equally memorable events in the back of Finn's car.

3. Contributing to the spending of $63 on a 2am McDonald's drive-thru run.

4. Staying up all night to go to the airport at 4am. Barely making it... for various reasons.

5. All-night chats in the lobby, the bar, the room, and the hallways.

6. Debating against my own motion. And then having it pass.

7. Peeling Yuengling beer bottle labels and playing with them.

8. Scaling the wall. And having to climb back over, because no one else would.

9. Gum wrapper in the goldfish.

10. Interacting with random people at Eatin' Park.

11. Buying Barnes and Noble out of RONR.

12. Exploring the premises.

13. Hangin' with Gene.

14. Playin' with P-Nuts.

15. Being reprimanded by the Chair for being "Sarcastic."

I'm sure I'm forgetting a ton... maybe I'll update as I think of them.

"But he's my son!" Everyone Else is an Asshole.

2005-08-04T09:07:00.000-05:00

I haven't been posting much lately. Life's been busy these past few weeks with the settlement, the move, and Dad coming to live with us.

My Father-in-Law is 87, has one bad eye, hearing loss, and Alzheimer's. He walks around hunched over, but is otherwise healthy.

The real problem is that he's disoriented and becomes belligerent at times. Since my Mother-in-Law passed away, and since we were buying a 3 BR house, it seemed to make sense to move Dad in with us. We knew it would be a challenge, but I don't think I was prepared for how trying it would actually be.

Here's a typical conversation with Dad:

D = Dad
W = My Wife

D: "Where's my home? Where do I live?"
W: "You live here."
D: "What?"
W (louder): "You live HERE!"
D: "Here? I don't live here. Where's my home? Don't I have my home no more?"
W: "No, you don't have the apartment anymore."
D: "I don't? Why not?"
W: "We moved you out."
D: "Who moved me out?"
W: "We did. Me and G-."
D: "Why?"
W: "Because Mom passed away."
D: "I know she passed away. I don't have her no more. But that's no reason!"
W: "You couldn't live there on your own."
D: "Bullshit! I could too. Who says I can't live there?"
W: "Dr. W-. He said you shouldn't live alone."
D: "Horseshit."

(brief pause)

D: "Where's my stuff? Where's my furniture?"
W: "You gave it away."
D: "I did? Well where am I gonna stay?"
W: "Here. With me."
D (looking at me): "I'm not staying here. Guess I'll have to find myself a place to live."
W: "Why don't you stay here with me?"
D: "With you? Just you?"
W: "Me and Fresh."
D: "I'm not staying here! I got nuthin' left. I might as well go and kill myself."

And 10 minutes later the same conversation is had all over again.

And then again.

And again.

For some reason, Dad doesn't want to live in the same house with me. I don't take it personally... he reacts that way to pretty much all males except for G-, his son.

Over the past several days, Dad has insulted me on many levels:

D: "He's your husband? Where'd you find him?"
W: "In South Carolina."
D: "You'd better take him back, then."

or

D: "You're married to him?"
W: "Yes."
D: "I guess you didn't care much what you got, huh?"

or

D: "Who's dogs are these?"
W: "They're mine."
D: "Are they both female?"
W: "Yes."
D: "I guess that's why they're not too happy then. That's ok, they got HIM to take care of them."

Yep, you read that right. According to Dad, I'm a dog-fucker.

A few years ago, my wife and I went out to CA in January to visit her family. We were at her parents' apartment one afternoon, and she suggested that I take down the Christmas lights that were strung up over the doorway outside. The conversation went something like this:

(M = Mom)

D: "What's he doin'? He don't need to do that! I can take those lights down!"
M: "No you can't, G- had to put them up for you."
D: "Well G-'s my son! I don't know WHO THE FUCK HE IS!"

And that about sums it up. He doesn't know who the fuck I am. And I think that's the problem in large part. He's used to seeing me by now... but he still doesn't get how I fit into the picture or why. And he doesn't want me taking care of him. When he realizes that I'm his Son-in-Law, he doesn't want to stay because he doesn't feel needed--he feels like my wife and I have each other, which means that he doesn't have her anymore. And he wants no part of that.

But it's not so bad. Sometimes he jokes with me, and we get along. Other times he falls asleep in his new easy chair watching Animal Planet. I know it will get better. It's the right thing to do. I just can't see putting him in a home somewhere. He wouldn't be any less belligerent or disoriented someplace like that, but I think he would deteriorate and stagnate if all he has to do all day is sit around wondering where he is and why all these old people are drooling around him and why he can't watch what he wants on TV. He still learns, he can still help with little tasks, and he deserves better than that.

I only hope that if I end up old and alone and confused, someone who cares will take care of me... and I hope I have enough mental capacity to enjoy watching people react to my crotchety attitude.

Done

2005-07-31T12:05:00.000-05:00

Finally making the last trip of the two week move from hell. Not moving again until I can afford to pay someone to do it.

Caption Contest: Round 1

2005-07-25T13:48:00.000-05:00

I decided last week to start hostinig a caption contest on Fridays (we'll see how long this lasts). Since I was a little busy on Friday, I'm starting it today. Submit your caption ideas as comments, and on Monday, we'll (I'm using the Royal "We" here) pick a winner. I don't know what (if any) prize will be awarded, but here's the first photo.

The picture has been moved HERE to avoid further complaints. Click at your own risk. You've been warned.

First Night

2005-07-25T11:46:00.000-05:00

Last night was our first night in our new house. Between my last post on Friday about settlement and this afternoon's post on our first night, we have learned several things relating to our new home.

See you have to understand, that with the DC/Baltimore housing market, there is no time for a home inspection. There is no time for anything. We spent maybe 25 minutes in this house before we wrote a contract on it, and hadn't been back until after settlment. Good thing we had taken some pictures with the digital cam.

So without further ado, here are the first 10 things we've discovered about or relating to our new house:

(1) Moving is a bitch. We really knew this, but had blocked previous moves from our memories. We rediscovered it all this weekend when, for example, they didn't have a 24 foot truck like we had ordered, so we had to make 2 moves in a 15 foot truck. Or like driving an extra 20 minutes out of our way, into a scary area of DC to pick up a handtruck that we didn't even end up using.

(2) One celing fan and at least 2 electrical outlets don't work.

(3) The dehumidifier needs to be emptied periodically.

(4) Our floor slopes a bit, but it's okay: it's hardly noticeable when you look at the windows, which slope a lot.

(5) We live on a one way street.

(6) There are no closets. I mean, there's one small one in one bedroom, and a slightly larger one shared by the other two bedrooms, and that's it. No linen closet, no pantry, no coat closet. No place to store extra TP or cans of soup.

(7) There is a really bright street lamp which makes the master bedroom WAY too bright at night, even with the blinds. Time to get curtains.

(8) We have no wiring for cable. Yet.

(9) Our bedroom is bigger than we thought, but...

(10) ...the living room is smaller.

I guess that this post wasn't really about our first night. Which was rather uneventful, except that we had to dig out an extension cord to plug in a fan, because there is no celing fan in the bedroom (yet), and the dogs decided to relieve themselves in the house rather than brave the storm last night. (Sigh)

It's Settled

2005-07-22T11:24:00.000-05:00

I am now a home owner. And mortgaged to the hilt.

How's it Going?

2005-07-21T12:15:00.000-05:00

UPDATE (7/21/05 7:50pm)

He called. It is alright. Ted and Finn (and everyone else who would have offered positive commentary, but didn't read this post until AFTER the update), thanks for the support.

END UPDATE

"How's it going?"

"Hey, how are you?"

"What's up?"

Variations of the rhetorical question we humans tend to use in greeting. Of course, no one really expects a true answer. And generally, no one really cares what the response is. Nonetheless, I tend to answer truthfully, because, let's face it:

Most of the time, things are going pretty well for me. Sure, I have my ups and downs... as we all do... but generally, I'm a happy camper. I'm pretty even tempered, good-natured, and laid back... and I tend to roll with the punches.

In fact, in direct opposition to what my often cynical and pessimistic ranting and raving would suggest, I'm really an optimist at heart.

The glass is half full. And I ordered a cheeseburger, but I'm sure it'll be up in a second. And not too over-cooked. And with my bacon and fried onions and no mayo.

So I tend to respond truthfully, conveying a sense of well-being and confidence that I generally feel.

Unfortunately, today is one of the rare days when I am, decidedly, NOT alright.

And I've been dodging the subject question (in all it's various forms) all damn day. I smile and nod, and, to be blunt, I simply lie and tell people that I'm okey-dokey even though I'm not feeling very okey-dokey.

Is this what most people do? I couldn't live like that...

So tell me that it will be okay. That everything will work out. That tomorrow will be a great day, and that the weekend will be warm and sunny (but not hot and humid) and life will return to it's nominal slightly more than moderately happy existence with the promise of good things to come.

Tell me this, because I don't want to think about the alternative. Tell me this because it might help a little.

What I really want is for one man to call and tell me that things are okay. But I'm pretty sure he's not reading. And if he is, it's news to me.

(Aside to aforementioned fellow, just in case) If you ARE reading, CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT IT'S OKAY!

I think I'll go chain smoke now.

Selective Demolition

2005-07-21T08:19:00.000-05:00

Living in DC has its perks. The museums are generally free, the bar scene is decent, and public transportation is fairly convenient, affordable and reliable.

Best of all, you can regularly experience political protests and rallies on your way to/from work.

Which I happened to do this morning. Not that it was planned, really.

Outside a downtown Metro stop, about a block from my office, there was assembled a large crowd of what I first took as utility workers. Were we having a power outtage? Was PepCo on the scene?

No.

Start Explanatory Tangent

When you emerge from the DC Metro during rush hour, climbing the escalator stairs from the gloomy oppresive darkness below into the hazy brightness of the city streets, there are ALWAYS people ready to take advantage of your momentary disorientation:

Sometimes it's a lady selling Krispy Krusty Krunchie doughnuts at like $8 a box. Tasty!

And Sometimes it's the Jews for Jesus who decided 2,000 years after Christ died that he was right after all, and want to share this with you so you don't have to wait 2,000 years yourself.

Other times it's someone handing out coupons or menus fora local Chinese takeout place, ZipCar, or various cellular phone services. You know, in case you suddenly have that 8am craving to call for Chinese food and need to rent a car to pick it up.

Now and then you see a fraternity from GWU collecting for some such charity or other. (Or for their next keg, I can never tell which. Not that I would mind if they spent the money on booze. I only wish that I had thought to take up collections to support my binge drinking when I was in school.)

And then there are the political people. I've been inundated with people trying to get me to support John Kerry (for President) and Harold Brazil (for DC Council). I've been preached to about Social Security and the war in Iraq. Because these things aren't all over the news already. And DC is so conservative that we need the liberals to come out and enlighten us.

End Explanatory Tangent

So as I emerged from the underground transit, what I saw was NOT a PepCo repair crew, but rather what I discovered to be an "Action Team" from the Laborer's International Union of North America (LIUNA), dressed up with cute little yellow reflective vests and matching hard hats.

You can see why I thought that they were fixing a power line or something.

But what really caught my eye was that the Action Team was, in fact, taking action: they were pumping air into a

huge

INFLATABLE

rat.

A rat! R-A-T. Rat.

And the rat was holding a sign that read:

"Selective Demolition Violates Workers' Rights."

Selective Demolition?

I'm not really sure what selective demolition is, but I gather that it has something to do with unsafe working conditions in projects involving the removal of asbestos. Anyone know?

This is what I love about DC: Obscure labor protests with inflatable rat mascots.

I only wish I had a camera phone.

Blame it on the Games

2005-07-19T10:25:00.000-05:00

Parents can't parent becaue the games get in the way. That's the crux of the argument made by several politicians in this news Article.

"There is no doubting the fact that the widespread availability of sexually explicit and graphically violent video games makes the challenge of parenting much harder," said Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY)

Yeah, parenting should be easy. It should only take a few minutes between work and weekend golf outings, right? We should rate everything so parents can simply say, "No, Jimmy, you can't have that game because it's rated 'M'" not "Jimmy, when a man loves a woman..." or "Jimmy, let's talk about drugs" or "Jimmy, we need to talk about daddy's gun..."

Movie and video game ratings are simply a way for parents to shuck responsibility.

Sure, I think that if a movie or a video game contains excessive profanity, violence or sexuality, this needs to be disclosed. But trying to fit every game into an inconsistent rating system is ridiculous. PG-13 for violence and PG-13 for language and PG-13 for Adult Content and PG-13 for Brief Nudity are all very different, and may or may not be appropriate for a particular child to watch. But parents tend to allow or disallow their children to watch PG-13 movies in toto.

The ESRB then hires everyday New Yorkers to test the games and recommend ratings, from "E" for everyone to "AO" for adults only. At least three testers try each game, and recommended ratings are delivered within five days, Vance said.

"At the end of the day, what they're looking at is not how fun this game is," Vance said. "We're looking for objective, independent feedback ..."

Not to mention that the ratings aren't even determined based on a specific set of criteria or by experienced professionals. No, they grab some whackos off the streets of New York and sit them down to watch movies or play games and ask them to assign a rating.

And these games are having a real, detrimental impact on young minds, [Rep. Joe] Baca [D-CA] said — "In a videogame, you're actually pursuing and simulating a person. You're under hypnosis. You're a person that is dramatizing, that is living the example of what is going on."

And this is differnt than "cowboys and indians" how, exactly? Didn't kids from my parents' generation play at killing native americans? Why is this type of fantasizing considered less dangerous than playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas?

It just goes back to our culture of blaming someone else for our problems, rather than facing them. Our parents understood the difference between games and reality. Why? Because if they fucked up in the real world, at minimum they'd get daddy's belt across their backside, not some sissy 15-minute time-out.

But Jimmy's mom is busy making up excuses for Jimmy's behavior rather than correcting it. Examples:

Jimmy killed suzy with a gun at school, but it was the fault of the video game manufacturer because they had a school killing spree sequence in their game.

But wait, the government is at fault too! Because the game was only rated "M" for "Mature," and although Jimmy's obviously NOT mature, I let him play it based on THEIR recommendation. The government should ban these games. All the mature people of the world should sacrifice their amusements for the growing number of us irresponsible morons who can't handle anything more than Barney the big purple fatass dinosaur. And he's really Satan, you know...

He's a young boy, you know, and sexually frustrated because he's heavy, and he thinks that girls won't like him. (Aside) "Here, dear, have some more choclate cake; it will make you feel better."

He struggles at school with reading, you know. Those teachers don't know what they're doing. So we got "huk'd awn fonix" to help him out. Now he can read more gooder. Not that we read to him when he was little--that reading in the cradle is all a bunch of tree-hugging hippy crap. And we don't really own any books--we only read Cosmo and Golf Digest.

He's just a little excitable. And we don't have time for him, so we pump him full of Ritalin to keep him out of our hair. It's easier than converting his excessive energy into some kind of learning experience or finding things that really interest him.

We can't help it if he plays games, he needs a release from the stress of his life because we can't be bothered to take him out to the museum or to throw the football or to the boy scouts--those kids are mean, you know. They moved his bunk into the latrine at summer camp. He never recovered.

But Jimmy's a good kid, really. He didn't mean to set fluffy on fire. It was only an accident when he smashed the neighbor's car repeatedly with the sledge hammer--I'm sure he tripped. And can you really blame him for killing suzy? She was such a snot, what with her rich parents and laughing at him when he gave her a box of valentine chocolates (well, most of a box--he's a growing boy, you know).

You know what Jimmy needs? A good swift kick in the ass, and a dose of reality. He needs to be made to understand that life is choice and choices have consequences. And his parents need to give him the tools he needs to make good choices and teach him to accept the consequences of a bad choice.

Quit blaming everyone else because you can't or won't parent effectively! Sure society has a role in raising Jimmy, but it starts at home. But then, I guess no one ever taught that to Jimmy's parents, either...

She's at Peace

2005-07-15T17:52:00.000-05:00

My Mother-in-Law passed away this afternoon. At least she's finally at peace. If you're the praying type, please remember her in your prayers. If not, think good thoughts for my wife and her family.

Grammar Nazi

2005-07-14T22:51:00.000-05:00

Quiz Results:

You are the grammar Fuhrer. All bow to your
authority. You will crush all the inferior
people under the soles of your jackboots, and
any who question your motives will be
eliminated. Your punishment is being the bane
of every other person's existence, because
you're constantly contradicting stupidity.
Everyone will be gunning for you. Your dreams
of a master race of spellers and grammarians
frighten the masses. You must always watch your
back. If only your power could be used for good
instead of evil.

What is your grammar aptitude?
brought to you by Quizilla

Added Functionality

2005-07-13T11:53:00.000-05:00

You may have noticed that I've been slowly adding junk to my Blog, including better (albeit free) site statistics trackers, a weather tool, and some banners for random causes or adverts. I'm also accumulating links at a steady rate (more to random sites than to people I know).

Feedback and suggestions welcome. I'm not willing to invest any money into updating my Blog (I'm about to have a mortgage payment! Yikes!), but anything that's free is fair game.

And if you find all this crap annoying or distracting, please let me know.

If you find ME annoying or distracting, please DON'T let me know (just stop reading, but still stop by once in a while with your eyes closed just so I can get hits ;-> )

Second Mobile Post

2005-07-12T12:54:00.000-05:00

This is only a test. Had this been an actual post, there would have been real content.

Grandma a Whore?

2005-07-12T09:30:00.000-05:00

A 63 year old prostitute in Berlin is planning on retiring next year:

"I've got a lot of regular clients," the blonde woman told the newspaper, pictured wearing a short red mini skirt and high-heeled white boots as she stood near the Japanese embassy. She said she charges 30 euros ($36) and on good nights she has four to five clients.

Full text here.

Those crazy Germans...

Wasting Time

2005-07-12T08:26:00.000-05:00

And there I was, sitting at my desk, reading the news... when I came across this article about wasted time at work...

Of 10,044 employee respondents, 33 percent said they engaged in time-wasting activities because they didn't have enough work to do. Nearly a quarter of those surveyed said they squandered their work hours because they were underpaid.

Yeah, I'm underworked. And I was recently told (by a colleague) that this is justification to underpay me. Makes me feel good. So I'm depressed today (for lots of reasons) and don't mind wasting my hour or two.

Another Wedding

2005-07-11T16:08:00.000-05:00

One of my close friends got married this past Saturday in Savannah, GA. I was a groomsman in the wedding.

I got to see 4 of my former college roommates, and a few fraternity brothers and some other people I know from way back. Good times were had by all.

The wedding had an interesting theme. As you may have guessed (or as you may know), I went to Clemson University. So did my friend. And his fiance (now wife). And several of the groomsmen and bridesmaids. And many of the guests. Seeing a pattern here?

Clemson is big on school spirit--"my blood runneth orange" is sort of a popular motto at C-Town. Clemson is a way of life. And so it was with this wedding.

The groomsmen wore orange vests and ties with their tuxedos (and Clemson socks).
The bridesmaids had purple gowns.
The mother of the bride wore orange.
The mother of the groom wore purple (even her underwear).
The flowers were orange and purple.
The icing on the Groom's cake was orange, with a big tiger paw and tiger bride and groom figurines for cake toppers.
And the wedding party was introduced at the reception with Tiger Rag, the Clemson University fight song, playing in the background.

It wasn't as tacky as some of you non-Clemson fans may think; it was actually a very nice wedding, as weddings go.

We did the chicken dance. We ate too much. We toasted the bride and groom with non-alcoholic champagne. What more could we do?

One more wedding to go this summer... and the good Lord willing, I'll be "Uncle FreshBoy" someday...

Epitaphs

2005-07-06T12:08:00.000-05:00

My wife's mother is very ill, and won't live much longer. Needless to say, my wife is upset, but she is hoping that her mother will soon be at peace.

The practical upshot of all this is planning the service. My wife's parents picked out plots and made much of their funeral arrangements like 30 years ago. But the big question is what to put on their grave stones.

Her father is a freemason, and will have the masonic symbol on his stone. Her mother is a member of the Order of the Eastern Star, also a masonic organization, and will have their symbol on her grave marker.

Ok, so they will have these symbols, but what else? It has made me begin to think about what I would want on my grave marker. If I decide to be interred rather than creamted--but that's another debate.

I once wrote an epitaph for a poetry class I took in college:

Here below these weathered stones
Rest a weary traveler's bones--
Seeker of eternal youth;
Finder of the simple truth
Signified by his grave mound:
Journeys all end underground.

Ok, I'm not sure I want this on my headstone, but who knows?

I like to visit graveyards. I visited the Granary in Boston, a famous burial spot for many of our forefathers. Many grave stones there have "death's heads" on them. I saw one that read (something like):

Stop here friend and cast an eye
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so you shall be:
Prepare for death and follow me.

Then there is inspiration from some famous people:

Mel Blanc (creator and voice of Bugs Bunny)
"That's All Folks"

W. C. Fields
"Here lies W.C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia."

William Shakespeare
"Good frend for Jesus sake forbeare,
To digg the dust encloased heare!
Blest be the man that spares thes stones,
And curst be he that moves my bones."

Lester Moore
"Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More."

Emily Dickinson
"Called back."

Morbid? Perhaps. Makes you think, though... what do you want people to think about you when they see your grave stone?

My first mobile blog post.

2005-06-26T20:37:00.000-05:00

My first mobile blog post. Just seeing how (and how well) this works.

Today

2005-06-24T20:39:00.000-05:00

Today was an emotionally, physically, and intellectually draining day. I'm exhausted.

Today was also an amazing day.

Today was supposed to be the day that I had my wedding reception. But we cancelled it for personal and family reasons... and I'm glad. I don't think we would have been ready anyway. That also means that tomorrow is our 1 month anniversary of marriage...

Today work was a zoo. We had a big "event" going on... and although I wasn't in coordinating much (this time), I was certainly involved.

Today my coworker (and friend) became a daddy... for the 6th time. (Yes, you read that correctly; he really has 6 children now.)

Today is Friday. And my last day of real "work" until Wednesday.

And Today is the day we bought a house: ratified contract in hand.

Yeah. Almost forgot to mention that.

It's a 3BR, 1 and 1/2 bath detached SFH (Single Family Home) in Baltimore City. Quiet street, finished basement, brand new stove and fridge, new carpet throughout, HUGE deck on the side of the house, living room, sitting room, formal dining room, breakfast area, etc. Some of the spaces are a bit odd, but it has potential. And it's in move-in condition.

No idea how I'm going to commute to DC. I guess we'll jump off that bridge when we come to it...

But we bought a house.

No washer/dryer, so we'll have to go buy them.

To put in OUR home.

I guess I still can't believe that I'm going to be a homeowner. Time to adjust my taxes (Finn?).

Today ended up being a pretty good day after all...

Freedom of Speech: Burning the Flag

2005-06-22T16:06:00.000-05:00

Yet again, the man is tryin' to keep us down. Did you know that there's a proposed constitutional amendment to ban the burning of the United States Flag?

Here's some excerpts from one story about this issue:

The proposed one-line amendment to the Constitution reads, "The Congress shall have power to prohibit the physical desecration of the flag of the United States." For the language to be added to the Constitution, it must be approved not only by two-thirds of each chamber but also by 38 states within seven years.

The House has already voted to approve this amendment (nothing new, similar amendments have been approved by the House before). It must now face the Senate, where historically it has always died. That was before the GOP picked up 4 seats in the last election...

I'm not the type who would burn the flag. I just fail to see the point. I may not agree with the decisions made by those who run the States, but I still love my country.

Why?

Because it is a country founded on- and dedicated to- the principle of freedom. Freedom of speech. Freedom of religion. Freedom of choice.

It always amazes me when Americans want to restrict that freedom. According to the article, one big justification for this proposed amendment is 9/11.

Don't get me started on 9/11. Oops! Too late.

I don't believe that 9/11 was really an attack on the United States, per se, although it has come to be seen that way. I think that the 9/11 attacks were an ideological statement against freedom.

Look at the targets:

The World Trade Center--perhaps the clearest symbol of capitalism, the only "free" economic system around.

The Pentagon--the center of command of our armed forces, forces dedicated to protecting the freedom of the citizens of this country, and consequently, a symbol of freedom.

I find it ironic that some people would use the 9/11 attacks against freedom as a justification to limit freedom.

Representative Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) put it another way:

"If the flag needs protection at all, it needs protection from members of Congress who value the symbol more than the freedoms that the flag represents."

Only too true.

I don't see myself burning any flags (American or otherwise), but if someone else wants to make a point by burning the flag, they should have the right to do so.

The freedoms we enjoy come at the cost of tolerating the free actions of others with whom we may disagree. Banning the burning of the flag not only limits our freedom, it also makes meaningless the choice NOT to burn the flag. And worse, it only makes burning the flag that much more attractive to those who might choose to do so in the first place for the simple reason that the act will receive much more attention as an illegal activity as it does now as a part of the freedom of speech or expression we all enjoy.

DC's Finest

2005-06-21T14:20:00.000-05:00

I ranted a while back about my Dad's minivan being broken into while he was visiting me in the District. It appears that no one is safe, not even the police.

This short article tells how the DC police chief's car was stolen while parked in his neighborhood.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - No one in the U.S. capital is immune to car theft, not even the city's highest ranking law enforcement official.

Washington Police Chief Charles Ramsey's unmarked black Ford Crown Victoria disappeared from a street near his home some time between Friday and early Sunday while he was out of town, a police spokesman said on Monday.

"When he went out to use it to go to church, he found it was missing and reported it stolen," police spokesman Quintin Peterson told Reuters.

A riot helmet and some clothing were left in the car, but nothing that would be cause for alarm, he said.

"No equipment that can be used to cause anybody harm, no weapons of any kind, no radios, nothing like that," said Peterson.

That makes me feel really safe, you know?

Female Orgasms and Brain Activity

2005-06-21T13:51:00.000-05:00

I found a news article on the findings of a study conducted to research brain activity and the (female) orgasm. Full text here, highlights below:

In the first study to map brain function during orgasm, scientists from the Netherlands also found that as a woman climaxes, an area of the brain governing emotional control is largely deactivated.

So I guess science in the Netherlands is a little different than science here...

In the study, Holstege and his colleagues at Groningen University recruited 11 men, 13 women and their partners.

The volunteers were injected with a dye that shows changes in brain function on a scan. For men, the scanner tracked activity at rest, during erection, during manual stimulation by their partner and during ejaculation brought on by the partner's hand.

For women, the scanner measured brain activity at rest, while they faked an orgasm, while their partners stimulated their clitoris and while they experienced orgasm.

And I chose to go into the financial services industry... who knew that I should have moved to the Netherlands to become a science research subject? Can you imagine applying for a work visa to do this in the Netherlands?

Name: FreshBoy
Purpose of Visit: Work
Nature of Work: I have sex while some scientists watch, make notes, and monitor changes in my brain activity transmitted through some wires connected to my genitals. You're jealous as hell, aren't you?
Length of Stay: As long as they'll pay me to do this... oh, hell... I'll do it for free if they feed me.

"During orgasm, there was strong, enormous deactivation in the brain. During fake orgasm, there was no deactivation of the brain at all. None," Holstege said.

This explains a lot...

On that note, I think I'll quit this post before I get myself into (even more) trouble...

Ban the Ban: DC Smokers Unite!

2005-06-17T15:02:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a break from writing about Scotland to rant about a local issue of importance to me. It seems that the DC Council is contemplating banning smoking in restaurants and bars.

The issue at hand isn't health, as so many people seem to want to argue. No one is debating that smoking is unhealthy. The real issue is freedom of choice.

Smokers CHOOSE to smoke. Some bar/restaurant owners CHOOSE to allow smoking in their establishments. Employees CHOOSE to work in bars/restaurants that allow smoking. Diners/drinkers CHOOSE to frequent places that allow smoking.

No one is forcing anyone to do anything to degrade their health--all of these parties currently CHOOSE to engage in activities that could potentially negatively impact their health. Some of us even enjoy it...

In other words, the bar/restaurant owner could CHOOSE to have a smoke-free establishment, the employees could CHOOSE to work in a smoke-free environment, and patrons could CHOOSE to go to someplace smoke-free to enjoy their dinner or a few tasty malt beverages... (and YES, there are about 200 completely smoke-free establishments in the District alone... and more in Maryland and Northern VA).

A ban would deny those of us who enjoy or don't mind smoking in bars/restaurants the CHOICE that we currently have.

Full disclosure: I'm a smoker. But even if I weren't, I wouldn't support a ban. Anything that unreasonably limits choice is inherently bad. What's next? A ban on alcohol? (Didn't work so well in the past... remember prohibition?) A ban on red meat? Sushi?

In the end, it's not about the economics of the situation, as Mayor Anthony A. Williams seems to think (reversing his previous position against the ban after studying reports on hospitality and entertainment business revenues in other cities that have enacted bans)--the markets are only one measure.

Americans need to grow up a bit and realize that their actions have consequences. I CHOOSE to smoke. I understand the risks. I CHOOSE to live with them. If I get lung cancer, I won't blame the cigarette manufacturers for my actions. I'm not going to sue McDonald's because they served me hot coffee. I'm not going to sue the city when I'm drunk and trip over the curb in front of my house after stumbling home from the bar. I take responsibility for my (sometimes dumb) actions. Novel concept, isn't it?

Asking or allowing the government to place a ban on smoking is simply the shifting of responsibility (the passing of the buck, if you like) that has become all too common in the U.S. It's always someone elses fault: the cigarette companies, the marketers, the cartoonists... or the government for not stepping in to save us from our own stupidity...

See, the role of government is (supposed to be) to protect our freedom (even our freedom to be self-destructive, if we so choose). But more and more, the government restricts our freedom based upon a moral or ethical code not shared by those who are the most restricted.

Maybe I don't want to wear a seatbelt. Maybe I want my hamburger rare and bloody. Maybe I want to smoke a cigarette, while I'm eating sushi and wash it down by chugging a beer before driving home without my seatbelt on. Call me a rebel. If I die because of one of these things, well that's just population control...

(NOTE: I'm not advocating drunk driving... THAT has the potential to kill someone else, and thus it is correct for the government to outlaw this type of behavior.)

With the freedom of choice comes the responsibility to accept the consequences of your actions. Apparently, more and more Americans want neither choice nor responsibility.

I blame the parents...

Go visit BantheBan.org for the latest scoop.

The Whiskey Trail

2005-06-15T09:25:00.000-05:00

No trip to Scotland would be complete without a few "wee drams" of whiskey (only Americans call it "Scotch"). So here's a little bit about some of the whiskeys we tried and some of the distilleries we toured during our trip. Not all of them are technically on "The Whiskey Trail," which generally includes the Speyside Malts (pretty much everything here except Talisker).

The Glenlivet
The first (Scotch) whiskey I enjoyed was The Glenlivet, 18 years. As you can imagine, it has thus remained near and dear to my heart, and it is the measuring stick to which I compare all other whiskeys. The 18 year old is a very smooth Speyside malt (perhaps the ultimate Speyside malt) with medium peatiness and a well-balanced flavor.

Whiskey Barrel Furniture Outside The Glenlivet Distillery

The distillery tour is free (and very good), and you even get a dram at the end. You have a choice of the 12 yr old, the 12 yr old "French Oak Finish" or the 18 yr old. If you're a whiskey drinker, take the 18--it's an improvement (if that's possible) of everything you love about the 12. If you're not a whiskey drinker, try the French Oak Finish, it's very smooth with very little of the aftertaste (finish) that non-whiskey drinkers tend not to like. It's very smooth with hints of a nice vanilla flavour, and a short "follow-thru."

Talisker
If you find yourself on the Isle of Skye, consider visiting this distillery. It's about 5 GBP for a visit (redeemable when you purchase a bottle in the gift shop) and includes a dram while you are waiting. The tour is very comprehensive, and the gift shop is decent. The whiskey displays the peatiness of the Isle malts, but is not as peaty as some.

Cardhu (Cardow)
We made the last tour of the day, and thus were given a very private, personal tour (we were the only ones there at that time). Our tour guide, Irene, was wonderful. Tell them that you are staying at the Castle Hotel, Huntly (or better, STAY THERE!), and that Nikki sent you, and they'll take extra special care of you. They gave us a limited edition print of the distillery signed by the artist (which we will soon frame), and let us sample several malts before purchasing. It's also one of the few distilleries that allows pictures inside.

The Still House at Cardhu Distillery

Cardhu is an interesting "success" story. They no longer produce a single malt. The demand for Cardhu has risen too quickly for them to keep up, so they now blend some other malts (actually the same malt produced at another distillery) to create what they have termed a "pure malt." It exhibits all the characteristics of a single malt, and is very smooth. We were told that this will soon be out of production as well; I believe that they are expanding their operation to reintroduce the single malt.

Strathisla
We didn't actually take the tour here, but the distillery is so picturesque, we stopped to take pictures. I don't think I've even sampled their malt...

Strathisla Distillery

Reviews of Scottish Ales yet to come...

Where to Stay in Scotland

2005-06-13T08:06:00.000-05:00

Here's my (limited) review of various places to stay in Scotland:

A-Haven Townhouse Hotel (Leith)
Proprietor David Kay runs a nice little B&B in Leith, just outside of Edinburgh. IT is a convenient base-camp for exploring Edinburgh (just hop on the number 11 bus, right by the B&B) and Leith itself is worth exploring.

With 16 rooms, this B&B is practically a small hotel. The rooms are comfortable, even if some of the bathrooms are a bit small. Breakfast is included, and cooked to order: from the full Highland Breakfast (eggs, bacon, haggis, black pudding, tattie scone) to simply porridge and cereal. The common room is a smoking area (except during the breakfast hour), and there is off-street, secure parking. Great location, great price, and excellent service make this B&B a winner.

Tontine Hotel (Peebles)
Wonderful staff, central location. And the food is excellent. This was our base camp for the wedding. Situated on the High Street the Tontine is the only building on the High Street to boast a courtyard. The new owners have worked hard to improve the food and the service of the hotel, and have done an excellent job. They gave us a lovely room, with tub, for our "honeymoon," and prepared lovely sandwiches for us as a snack on our wedding day. The "reception" dinner was excellent. Definitely my hotel of choice for staying in Peebles.

Firgrove Bed & Breakfast (Stirling)
Firgrove B&B is set in a lovely home on the edge of Stirling. Town centre is a short walk, and there is space to park in the driveway. The rooms are large and well-decorated in a very traditional style. The beds are not particularly comfortable, but little touches such as Q-tips in the bathrooms go a long way to make you feel at home. There is also a friendly little dog named "Pip" who tends to follow you up to your room. We spent one night here, with one day at Stirling Castle before heading to the Isle of Skye.

Broadford Hotel (Broadford, Skye)
One word: CHEAP. Yep, this is the worst place we stayed at. But we knew it would be--we needed to stay on the bottom of Skye to get one of our party to the ferry in the morning so she could get back to Edinburgh to fly home. The best thing about the rooms was the view. The coastline was absolutely gorgeous. I wouldn't spent much time in Broadford, but if you do, try going to The Claymore for good fish or steak.

Darnbrook Guest House (Waternish, Skye)
This was my favorite B&B. It's up on Waternish, one of the upper peninsulas on the Isle of Skye. You need to take some single-track roads to get there. Situated on scenic Lochbay, on a clear day you can see the isles of Lewis and Harris. The hosts are Duncan and Caryl, a charming English couple who have relocated to Skye. Duncan takes wonderful photographs and cooks a mean breakfast. Even pancakes. We were greeted with coffee and tea and biscuits on our arrival, and the hospitality was wonderful. Duncan and Caryl have actually slept in all of the bedrooms, and recognize that comfort is key. And the rooms are comfy and tastefully decorated.

This is a convenient place as any to tour many of the scenic spots on Skye, including the Kilt Rock, the Old Man of Storr, the Quarang, and the various local artists. The nearby Stein Inn, an English-style pub with excellent food and good ales (some from the Isle of Skye Brewery), has a pool table and darts, as well as a classy dining room (reservations recommended) and a friendly staff. There is also a seafood restaurant there that is supposed to be excellent, but since it is closed on the weekends during the summer, we did not get to sample it's fare.

Barn Hill House (Inverness)
Mrs. Anne MacPherson runs Barn Hillhouse B&B, overlooking Inverness. A short walk down the hill brings you right to town centre. The rooms are a bit small; the double with an en-suite bathroom was really a closet made into a bathroom. A second double has a bath across the hall. The decor of the rooms was interesting, but the price was right, and convenience the key. Mrs. MacPherson makes wonderful porridge and her Orkney Chedder Scramble is delightful. Although we did not get to explore Inverness for more than a few hours, I think I'd like to go back, and would definitely consider staying at Barn Hillhouse again.

Castle Hotel, Huntly
The finest hotel of the trip. Formerly the residence of the Earl of Huntly (the Gordon Clan), this hotel boasts friendly staff (a family operation) and wonderful dining. A nice base camp for exploring Speyside whiskey country, the Hotel is warm and inviting. Ask Nikki for recommendations about which distilleries to visit. The hotel bar boasts a wide selection of whiskeys and a flip bartender (Stuart). The surrounding countryside is lovely, and Huntly Castle is right next door. We were upgraded to a suite upon our arrival, and I must say that this is the nicest hotel I've stayed in--in part because of the charm of the family. The suite was lovely--sitting room with leather furniture, comfortable bed, TV's in both the sitting room (the only one in the hotel with Satellite) and the bedroom, complementary Internet access, a large bathroom with tub and makeup table and mirror, and lovely views of the front gardens. Even a decanter of sherry waiting for you upon your arrival. Accomodations would be a steal at twice the price; meal prices are VERY reasonable (3 wonderful and filling courses for 15 GBP).

Abbey Cottage (St. Andrews)
Charming B&B in St. Andrews. Easy walk to the Cathedral and the Castle, or town centre. Comfortable rooms and lovely gardens. Parking off street. Convenient and affordable.

Argyll Hotel (Glasgow)
In the fashionable West End of Glasgow, on Sauchiehall Street. A few decent restaurants nearby, as well as the Museum (currently closed for rennovation) and Kelvingrove Park. Long walk to Charring Cross and the shopping district or a short bus ride. The room was fine, breakfast left something to be desired. Mass-produced scramble and bacon and sausage. No variety in the menu. Maybe I was just sick of eggs by this point... All-in-all, not a bad place.

Bagpipes

2005-06-10T13:46:00.000-05:00

One cannot write about a wedding in Scotland without mentioning the pipes. In fact, I don't think one can HAVE a wedding in Scotland without pipes... I think it's a law or a Royal Command or something...

So we had pipes at our wedding. And let me just say, when the piper started to play, and we began our procession from the Hotel to the Registrar's Office, I got a little misty. We all got a little misty. A lone piper is something to hear.

My Irish friend told me a joke about bagpipes once:

"Bagpipes were invented by the Irish as a joke, and given to the Scots. Trouble is, the Scots haven't figured out that it's a joke yet." While I can appreciate the humor, I have to say, the pipes really made the wedding.

Our piper, Mr. Michael Pretsell, of the Edinburgh Pipers, was unbelievable. He played a wide variety of traditional pipe songs, including my personal favorite: Scotland the Brave. He not only piped us from the Hotel, through the town, down the High Street to the Office of the Registrar, but also posed for pictures before piping us back.

Except we didn't go straight back. We had him pipe us down a hill to the River Tweed, over a foot bridge, along the river, up a set of stairs to the Tweed Bridge, and back into town to the Hotel. Probably a mile or two. But he was a great sport, saying that he hadn't gotten a workout like that since he was in the regiment!

Here's a picture of us with our piper on the wedding day.

Michael Pretsell with the Wedding Party

So if you are planning a wedding or an event in or near Edinburgh, contact Michael to play for you. You won't regret it!

Wedding Pictures

2005-06-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

As promised, here are a few pictures from the wedding. They are pretty raw; I haven't had time to crop or correct tone or anything with Photoshop. Anyway, here are a few of the better ones that don't seem to need much work.

Click on the picture for the full size image (most of them are pretty big).

The Vows

The Kiss

Us At Traquair House

The Whole Wedding Party At Traquair House

FB in All his Kilted Glory...
More pictures to come...

Stags and Hens

2005-06-08T10:22:00.000-05:00

So I have triumphantly returned from my honeymoon in Scotland. I'm sitting at work right now, in my kilt (pictures forthcoming--hopefully tomorrow). I'm sure that the next several posts will be associated with the trip and the wedding. But I wanted to share a bit of Scottish culture.

In scotland, "Stag Nights" are common. These are basically what we would call "Bachelor Parties" in the states. I mention this because we happened upon one on our first night in Scotland.

We stayed at the A-Haven Townhouse Hotel in Leith (an old, very important port city, sort of a suburb of Edinburgh). We got in late, and most places were no longer serving dinner (but the whiskey was flowing, of course). Then we found The Black Swan, Leith's first non-smoking pub (despite being a smoker myself, I would HIGHLY recommend this pub). They were kind enough to feed us if we were willing to sit at the bar; the back room had been booked for a Stag Night. And there was a stripper coming. This, we were assured repeatedly by the customers, was NOT a common local custom. The stripper proceeded to strip down the lucky groom (fortunately, he was wearing a very nice pair of CK boxer-briefs), and beat him with a leather whip. He seemed to enjoy it. His buddies seemed to enjoy it more. As for us... hey, it was a free show. And yes, the stripper eventually got naked...

We also experienced, tangentially, a "Hen Night" or "Bachelorette Party." Now I wouldn't think of the term "hen" as particularly flattering, but we were told by some Glaswegians that it is actually a term of affection or endearment in particular use in and around Glasgow, and perhaps all of Scotland.

Two Hen Night stories:

(1) We stopped in a shopping mall in Sterling. It was your run-of-the-mill shopping mall: Woolworths, Boots (a pharmacy), clothing and accessory stores, etc. And Lingerie--some store that compared to Frederick's of Hollywood. But they had a "Hen Night" section. With all sorts of gag toys and gifts. They also had a slightly more hardcore section, located conveniently just behind the Hen Night section, which contained all sorts of adult toys and videos. Not something you tend to see in shopping malls in the states.

(2) We actually saw a Hen Night in progress in Glasgow. First, we saw several girls walking around with matching t-shirts that read: "Jenny's Hen." They seemed to be having fun. We saw (I think) that same group later, singing Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" very loudly and somewhat off-key, in the back of a fire truck. Book now for your turn with the Crazy Fire Company.

Stags and Hens--Now THAT's culture.

Greetings from Scotland

2005-06-01T16:32:00.000-05:00

I haven't had much access to the Internet... and I have had little time for blogging. But tonight I have found both.

The wedding was fabulous. I damn near cried when giving the vows... and my fiance (now wife) did shed a few tears. The piper brought tears to all of us. The whole town stopped to watch us go by... several took pictures. It was lovely.

The rest of the trip has been fabulous as well. Now I am sitting in the Castle Hotel, Huntly. Huntly was (is?) the seat of power of the Gordon Clan. The Hotel is lovely--it was the former residence of the Duke. We were upgraded upon our arrival to a suite--hence the Internet access. The staff is lovely, the food is excellent, and the hotel itself is charming.

In fact, that's pretty much been the whole trip. The people here couldn't be friendlier: the guy in Jedburgh who kept his coffee shop open late for us, and gave us directions to follow a more scenic route back to our hotel; owner of the Huntly who gave us a few little "extras" in honor of our nuptiuals; the tour guide at the Cardhu Distillery who gave us a pencil drawing of the Distillery and took us on a personal, private guided tour.

I couldn't ask for a better venue for my marriage. And I owe it all to my sweetheart (read "wife") who did a wonderful job of arranging the accommodations, planning the route, making the dresses for the wedding, booking the piper, ordering the flowers, and generally, taking care of every other little detail. I love her so much.

Okay, I'll sign off... Kilt Pictures forthcoming...

Gone for a While

2005-05-19T23:28:00.000-05:00

Less than 6 hours and I'll be on a plane bound for Boston... then London... and finally on to Edinburgh!

So don't be surprised if you don't see any posts for a while...

And I have SOOO much left to do... I shouldn't EVEN be blogging...

I need to pack. I need to finish cleaning the place for the renter. I need to leave instructions/info for the renter. I need to drop a note by my landlords. I need to call the cab company. I need to... well I'm sure there are many other things...

Wish me luck!

One Week!

2005-05-18T10:14:00.000-05:00

So in one week and two hours, I'll be a married man!

Five of us will form an entourage from the Tontine Hotel, in Peebles, Scotland, led by the piper down the High Street to the Chambers Institute to be married by the Registrar.

Then we'll be piped out again. Pictures and rejoicing will ensue, followed by dinner and much consumption of whiskey.

Counting down the hours...

Where Should I Live?

2005-05-16T11:05:00.000-05:00

American Cities That Best Fit You:

80% Philadelphia

75% Chicago

75% New York City

55% Las Vegas

50% Atlanta

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Who Would Steal a Dodge Minivan?

2005-05-16T09:28:00.000-05:00

So my parents came up to DC this weekend. They are going to watch the children (my two 7 year old black labs) while my fiance and I run off to Scotland to get married.

So they drove their 2004 Dodge Caravan up from SC on Friday, and parked about a block from my apartment on Capitol Hill.

Saturday morning, my dad went out to the van to get some of the stuff we had not yet unloaded, and discovered, much to his dismay, that the van had been broken into. Nothing was stolen. No exterior damage was found. But the fools had removed the ignition cylinder from the steering column. Ripped it right out, they did. Couldn't get the car to start, though.
Fuckers.

We called the insurance company. 1 to 3 business days to get an adjuster out to see the van.
"One to three business days! I'm supposed to leave tomorrow! Can we get it fixed now and get reimbursed later?"
"We can't advise you on that, sir... if you do anything, take pictures."
Fuckers.

We called the DC police department non-emergency line.
"DC police, how can I help you?"
"Yes, my car was broken into."
"Was anything stolen?"
"Not that I can tell."
"Were any windows broken? Was there any damage?"
"The ignition cylinder was removed from the steering column."
"That doesn't sound too serious... we'll have an officer call you to get a report over the phone."
Over the phone!
Fuckers.

The police called us back.
"I understand that your vehicle was broken into."
"Yes, can I get a copy of the police report?"
"We can't fax it. We can't mail it. We will have it delivered by hand to the 1st precinct in SW. You can pick it up on Tuesday."
Tuesday! I'm supposed to leave! Why can't you fax it?
Fuckers.

We had the car towed to a Dodge dealer.
"Triple A, how can I help you today?"
"My car was broken into, I need it towed to the dealer."
"We can have a tow truck there in an hour."

45 minutes later...

"There has been a slight change in the driver's schedule... he'll be there in 45 minutes."

An hour later, the driver arrives. Young punk kid, backwards cap, music blaring.
"Oh yeah, Chrysler, Dodge, Jeep... they're all easy to break into. Here, let me show you..." (Uses screwdriver to open the lock.)
Fuckers.

We get to the Dodge dealer.
"Oh, we should be able to fix this by 5pm, when we close. We'll call you with an estimate once we determine the extent of the damage."
"No, just fix it; I have to get home."
"Okay, we'll let you know."

2 hours later...

"We don't have the part in stock. There's more damage than we thought. We'll call you on Monday."

Monday morning...

"Oh, we can't get the part we need until tomorrow (Tuesday!) at the earliest."
Fuckers.

So that's where it is. My parents are stuck at my place. The weekend was totally shot. All because some FUCKER tried to steal a Dodge minivan. And couldn't even manage that. It would have been easier if he'd stolen the fucking thing. Then we could have gotten a new one...
The Fucker.

The tow truck guy told us that he had just towed another Dodge minivan, from a block away from where my parents' van was parked, with the same thing. For some reason, the Dodge Caravan is high on the list of commonly stolen vehicles in this area.
Fuckers.

Apparently, the 2004 model Dodges had a new security feature that won't let them run if the key is not in the ignition--I guess they have some microchip embedded in the key. So my parents' van wasn't stolen, just damaged. But the theif obviously didn't konw that.
Fucker.

So it wasn't just a thief... it was a stupid theif. The FUCKER! If I ever see anyone messing with a car in my neighborhood... well... it won't be pretty.

FUCKERS!

They're all muppets! Robbin' BASTARDS! I'll pull their fuckin' spleens out through their eyeballs, the stupid bastards...!

Negative, Ghost Rider; the Pattern is Full

2005-05-11T15:16:00.000-05:00

So we heard an airplane fly near the office today. No big deal, right? Wrong. We're about 2 blocks from the White House, in restricted air space. Apparently the incident was enough to scramble two Blackhawk helis and some F-16s from Andrews Air Force Base.

Turns out that it was a minor incident--a couple of errant pilots in a Cessna, but the White House, the Capitol, and several other government buildings were evacuated.

Of course, had it been a terrorist attack, we would all have been vaporized. No warning in my building. Gives ya a sort of warm-fuzzy feeling deep down, ya know?

Read about it here (Yahoo! News).

My American English

2005-05-10T07:37:00.000-05:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

45% General American English

40% Yankee

10% Dixie

5% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Yeah, I'm a yank. But living in SC for 10 years had a minor influence on me. I say "y'all" sometimes.

Political Views

2005-05-09T22:18:00.000-05:00

Your Political Profile

Overall: 45% Conservative, 55% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

Ok, so here's how I shake out on the politics scale, at least according to one silly test. Granted, I tend to lean more liberal than this may indicate, but test takers are forced to choose between two pretty extreme options on any given question.

Two Monitors!

2005-05-09T13:19:00.000-05:00

So at work, I had this crappy PC. It was a Dell SX270, which isn't in and of itself crappy, but because of some bad capacitor issues, the motherboards tend to overheat, and the caps swell, and the whole damn thing crashes. Which it did at minimum, 4 times a day.

Sometimes it would just automatically reboot itself--no warning.

Other times I'd get the BSOD (Blue Screen of Death).

Occaisionally, I would get a scrambled monitor and everything would completely freeze.

But only when it was really inconvenient for me. See this article for more info on the bad caps.

Anyway, last week, our Systems people brought me a replacement--a Dell SX280. Much faster, more RAM, uglier box. And now my DVD/CD drive is facing the wrong way, and my headphones jack is in a very inconvenient spot. But in terms of raw computing, I'm much happier.

But I wasn't happy enough. I had to ask for more. Why not? So I asked my boss if I could have two monitors. Been doing a lot of graphics work lately, and it would really improve my workflow efficiency (not having to flip back and forth between applications and all). So she asked the Director, and he said it was ok, and before ya know it, I got a second monitor.

Of course, I can only edit pictures in Adobe PhotoShop CS on the primary monitor--PS isn't set up to edit on the secondary (the menus and toolbars work fine there, but the picture editing window does not). But that's fine. I can still use PhotoShop on monitor one, and use IE or ImageReady on the other to see immediately the results of my work, etc., etc.

Apparently, my second monitor came last week. But I was in New Orleans for a business trip. With said boss. And another colleague. That's one reason I haven't posted in a while. But you won't see a post about New Orleans.

What happens in New Orleans... STAYS in New Orleans. Except for the pictures, which came back to DC with me, but which I'm not allowed to show to anyone. Ever. On pain of death... or worse.

My Inner European

2005-05-02T22:40:00.000-05:00

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous!

You drink everyone under the table.

Who's Your Inner European?

Bush's Judicial Nominees

2005-04-30T10:52:00.000-05:00

From Gay City News:

“The filibuster involves ten people who have indicated that they can’t disconnect their religious beliefs from constitutional principles,” said Rev. Barry Lynn, executive director of Americans United for the Separation of Church and State.

...

“The other 205 judges the Senate approved were people of faith who said they could do this. Justice Brown has indicated she can’t,” he said.

Ok, I'm not sure I buy Barry Lynn as an authority, and he's certainly biased, but he brings the issue to light in the above quotation.

The appointees being at issue are 10 (only 10 out of 215) extremely conservative persons who have shown a reluctance to separate their religious beliefs from their legal opinions. This is the issue I have with them. I don't care what faith a person chooses to follow, if they can be fair and impartial with respect to the law in the role of a judge. But many believe that these nominees have shown that they cannot. By confirming these appointments, the GOP would be, in effect, endorsing a national religion.

Do you think if the situation were reversed, and a Democratic president were putting up, as judicial nominees, follwers of Islam or Atheists, who have shown partiality to one religion or unfairly anti-religious sentiments and the Republican party were in the minority, that they wouldn't attempt to block them? By any means including filibuster? Would you strip that defense from the minority party in that case? I wouldn't...

But the issue here isn't the faith of the appointees, or even the fact that cloture (the breaking of a filibuster) requires a higher vote than the up or down vote required for confirmation. The issue I really have is with changing rules in the middle to get what you want. It's an abuse of power, and will ultimately lead to one of two things, neither of them good:

(1) Complete and utter gridlock in the Senate, as the parties have a pissing contest

(2) If the majority party comes out on top, the lack of representation of the minority party. Republicans should fear this as much as Democrats--there is no guarantee that they will remain the dominant party indefinitely.

If you want to change the rules on how judicial appointees are confirmed, do it at a time when none (or at least no controversial ones) are pending. If Republicans really believed in eliminating the filibuster for judicial appointees as the right thing to do, then why wasn't it done before? I'll tell you why... because they might want to use it themselves someday... it's only when it's being used against them that they want to eliminate it. Frist even acknowledged this in a recent speech (from Yahoo! News):

The majority leader noted that some Republicans are opposed to ending judicial filibusters, fearing that the GOP may someday want to use the same tactics against appointments made by a Democratic president.

It underscores the point that the Republicans don't have issue with the filibuster per se, just with the Democratic party using it.

Parliamentary Procedure at its Worst

2005-04-25T09:35:00.000-05:00

Bush's picks for the Federal Court have yet to be approved by the U.S. Senate. Although only a majority of the Senate is required to approve a nominee, Democrats have threatened a filibuster to delay voting. It would take 60 votes under the Senate Rules to break a filibuster. Republicans represent only 55 seats on the Senate.

Many conservative religious groups are opposing the filibuster, wanting Bush's nominees to be approved immediately.

Putting more evangelicals on the court will mean rulings more in tune with the religious convictions of churchgoers, said R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville.

"We are not asking for persons merely to be moral," Mohler said. "We want them to be believers in the Lord Jesus Christ."

Taken from a Yahoo! News story. So what happened to separation of Church and State? (Topic of another debate).

Why is it that everyone wants to use procedure to further their own agenda, rather than compromising, as the system intends? Majority Leader Frist is threatening to obtain an internal senate ruling that would make filibusters against Judicial Appointments illegal. A ruling could be upheld by a majority vote.

Nevermind that the Republicans used filibusters against Democratic appointees in the past. Now they want to change the rules.

Personally, I think that the filibuster is an odd tool... one of the quirkiest and most powerful defenses that the minority party has. In fact, it's one of the ONLY tools that a minority party has.

Filibusters force compromise. Eliminating them would allow the majority party to do pretty much what it wants. This makes no one happy in the long run, and goes against the great theory of a democratic republic--compromise is the soul of democracy.

(Side Note: The U.S. Senate does not use Robert's Rules of Order, the popular procedural system preferred by most non-governmental societies (organizations), rather it uses Riddick's Senate Procedure, which is specifically set up for the U.S. Senate. Breaking a filibuster falls under the section on Cloture, the process of requesting an end to debate.

Side Side Note: the U.S. House of Representatives uses it's own set of rules, based somewhat on Jefferson's Manual, I think.)

Parliamentary procedure is a great thing tool for deliberative assemblies. But it must be used to promote fairness, orderliness, and compromise; NOT as a way to further one's own agenda by limiting the rights of dissenting parties.

I Got My Visa!

2005-04-22T11:06:00.000-05:00

So you may know that I'm getting married next month. 05-25-05, in the Royal Burgh of Peebles, Scotland.

If you didn't know... now you do.

Anyway, the British Government enacted new legislation effective February 1, requiring any non-UK resident intending to get married in the UK to obtain a "Marriage Visa."

From 1 February 2005, if you are visiting the UK to be married and you are a citizen of a country that is not a member of the European Economic Area, you
will need to apply for a visa before you travel.

Taken from the General Register Office for Scotland website.

So I had to send 3 months of pay stubs; a letter from my employer verifying my employment, my salary and my available vacation; 3 months of bank statements; my travel itinerary; my flight confirmation; my passport; my previous (expired) passport; two passport photos; evidence that a wedding will take place; and the 4-page Visa application to the British Consulate General in New York. Not to mention the Visa application fee. Non-refundable. And the shipping fee.

And my fiance had to apply for one too.

I bet they didn't even look at all that crap. But we got our Visas, so I'm happy. Now we can go get married.

The only real worry I have at this point is whether my kilt will fit. I was a little fuzzy on the measurments... who knew it was so complicated?

Dante's Inferno Test

2005-04-18T13:57:00.000-05:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

"Haves" and "Have-Nots"

2005-04-18T13:21:00.000-05:00

So I visited Baltimore for the first time this weekend.

Yeah, I know--I've lived in DC for almost 2 years now, and I haven't made it to Baltimore until this past weekend. Sue me.

Boy, was it a shock. You cross certain boundaries, and you can find yourself in a completely different world. I was really surprised at the cold welcome we got from some of the locals in various neighborhoods.

I've never seen so many boarded-up windows on one street before. Certain neighborhoods look like de-militarized zones. I actually feared for my life driving down one street.

Yet I kind of liked the city.

Strange how DC is also a city of haves and have-nots. But it's not nearly as in-your-face as it is in Baltimore. Of course, even in the scarier neighborhoods in DC, a rowhouse needing a ton of work can go for $450,000. But I don't think that the neighborhood residents will kill you just for living on their block...

So in case you hadn't guessed, I'm thinking of buying a place in Baltimore and commuting to DC, becuase I'm too poor to live anywhere in or around DC. With the DC housing market, I can't even afford to live in neighborhoods that I wouldn't want to live in anyway.

So maybe I'll find some old fixer-upper in Baltimore. At least there, the market has nowhere to go but up...

Reflections

2005-04-14T11:49:00.000-05:00

Sometimes people surpise you. Or rather, you surprise yourself when you see yourself through someone else's eyes. Confused yet? I am.

I guess it's nice to find support in places that you might have otherwise considered unlikely sources of support. You never quite know how someone else sees you. But often you have a good idea of how they see you. Or think you do.

I know, this is all random and esoteric. But that's how feelings work, I guess.

So if anyone is actually reading this (and judging by the page usage statistics and lack of comments, no one is), and if you know that I'm writing about you... THANKS.

It's nice to know I'm loved and/or respected in some quarters more than I thought I was.

Remember Stan? He's Alive, and Well... and Irish.

2005-04-11T10:17:00.000-05:00

So do you remember that Eminem song called Stan? Here's the Irish version. Funny as hell. (This song contains explicit lyrics and adult content. Use at your own risk. No household pets were harmed in the making of this blog post.)

Updated (4/13/05): I'm so lame and have nothing better to do... so I transcribed the lyrics to this song. Thanks to RJC (the "Irish Lad") for help with some of the Irish bits.

Metro Blues

2005-04-11T08:29:00.000-05:00

I hate those people on the Metro. Which ones? ALL of them.

There are several types you see regularly:

The Pushy Woman (Wealthy)
These are the women who think that becuase the have money, they are entitled to their own seat, and will yell at any person of lower class who comes within 5 feet of her. If you have so much damn money... hire a driver!

The Pushy Woman (Not Wealthy)
These are women who have a sense of entitlement NOT based on wealth. They are the ones who push you out of the way coming in the door, despite the fact that there's no room left in the car, and then say "EXCUSE ME!" clearly indicating that it is somehow MY fault that they couldn't squeeze their fat, round ass into the crowded car.

The Tourist
Look, there's only 3 stops you want: Capitol South, Smithsonian, and Federal Triangle. The Metro map isn't that hard to read. No, I don't want to hear about your business back in Ohio. No, I don't care how long the lines are at the Smithsonian. Don't bring that stroller over here. And learn the simple rule for escalators: WALK LEFT... STAND RIGHT!

The Crazy Old Guy
Sitting there mumbling, carrying a bag of trash, talking to women who don't want his attention, yelling, screaming, trying to sell me batteries, falling asleep on the train. Where are the Metro Police?

The Young Punk
Hat on backwards, pants falling down, taking up four seats. This is the kid who is either talking loudly on a cell phone in urban slang or listening to music so loudly that you can hear it in the next car of the train. They also travel in groups, and will then tend to argue, fuss, and horseplay. Where are the Metro Police?

The Overweight "Handicapped" People
You don't need a handicapped seat! There's nothing wrong with your legs... LOSE SOME DAMN WEIGHT!

The Creepy Guy
He's looking at me. No, wait, he's LEERING at me. Weird. I'll look away... don't look back... don't look back... DAMN! I looked back. He's still looking at me. Don't make eye contact... too late. Stop looking at me. Oh, he's staring at the blonde behind me. Ok. Still, it was creepy.

I hate them. All of them.

Heavy = Happy

2005-04-07T07:52:00.000-05:00

So I've come to a conclusion (evidenced by the title of this post).

Heavy = Happy

Ok, to clarify, I'm not a small guy. 5' 9" or so. 235 LBS. That is what one might term "stout." Or hefty, husky, rotund... even jolly. Those are some of the nice ones. I wouldn't say that I'm "corpulent," which suggests large masses of sallow skin drooping and hanging from one's body in large rolls. Nor would I term myself chunky, chubby, porky, or rolly-polly. These terms are far less attractive. No, I prefer the term portly.

ANYway, the point is that I'm comfortable with my weight. No, that's not exactly true... I'm HAPPY with my weight. I have come to realize that I am much happier eating potatos, rice, bread, and other carbs in copious (and even disgusting) amounts. "I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2,000 of something." Tribute to the late, great, Mitch Hedberg.

I tried the diet thing. I lost about 20 pounds over several weeks. But I hated eating--an activity which I normally enjoy very much. And I refuse to live like that--I'd much rather keep the 20 LBS. But I stay away from scales.

(Random ironic fact: at my heaviest, I actually worked in a plant that manufactured scales. Ah, life's little quirks.)

So slap my ass and call me "portly." At least I'm happy.

Signed,

"A Gentlemen of Substantial Carriage"
(Another one I like)

National Tartan Day

2005-04-06T08:13:00.000-05:00

6 April is recognized in the United States, by resolutions in both the U. S. Senate and U. S. House of Representatives. This date commemorates the signing of the Declaration of Arbroath in 1320, which asserted Scotland's authority over English territorial claims. This document influenced the drafting of the U. S. Constitution. Find more info at www.tartanday.org. Also, show your Scottish pride by wearing your tartan accessories!

Tartans and Whiskey

2005-04-05T10:07:00.000-05:00

So my colleague invited me to an event at the Canadian Embassy last night to celebrate National Tartan Day. There was a Canadian folk singer (who plays with a Scottish band), many dignitaries and officials (the Canadian Ambassador, some higher-ups at the Smithsonian and the Library of Congress), and most importantly, a nice fellow from Glenfiddich distillery who led us in a whiskey tasting.

Now I've been known to "taste" whiskey a time or two before. And I did my fair share of "tasting" last night as well. There is something to be said for not letting an open bar go to waste.

Also got to check out the common fashion trends in the wearing of Scottish Highland dress. Definitely cream-coloured hose with a Prince Charlie. Plain, coloured flashes (as opposed to tartan flashes). Bow tie-black. No belt with a vest. All good things to keep in mind when ordering my kilt.

Quite a lovely evening in all. Rounded it out with a visit to our favorite Scottish bar in the District. The result: terrible morning. I'm really feeling my age. So sad. Less than 2 years ago, I was another fat, drunk and happy college student. Now I'm a working professional who can't handle one night of Scotch whiskey. *sigh*

Election Procedures

2005-04-04T11:11:00.000-05:00

From a BBC News article (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4406549.stm):

The Vatican is now working to a plan which was drawn up in meticulous detail by John Paul II, a full nine years before his death.

It sets out the arrangements for his funeral and the subsequent conclave - the secret meeting of cardinals that will be convened later this month to elect his successor. The 13,000-word document also specifies how the Church is to be governed during the next three to four weeks.

...

John Paul II decreed that the conclave to elect his successor should not begin until at least 15 days have passed since his death. But it cannot be delayed beyond 20 days.

...

Initially, a cardinal will require two-thirds of the votes to be elected. But after about 30 ballots, there is an option for deciding the election by a simple majority.

And I thought the procedures for elections in Robert's Rules of Order, Newly Revised (10th ed.) were complicated. I guess everything is relative. *bows to Kafka*

A New Tax System?

2005-04-03T17:49:00.000-05:00

Came across an article about a very interesting proposal to change the tax code in the Washington Post, on 31 March 2005. Here's an excerpt:

The power to tax involves, as Chief Justice John Marshall said, the power to destroy. So does the power of tax reform, which is one reason why Rep. John Linder, a Georgia Republican, has a 133-page bill to replace 55,000 pages of tax rules.
His bill would abolish the Internal Revenue Service and the many billions of tax forms it sends out and receives. He would erase the federal income tax system -- personal and corporate income taxes, the regressive payroll tax and self-employment tax, capital gains, gift and estate taxes, the alternative minimum tax, and the earned-income tax credit -- and replace all that with a 23 percent national sales tax on personal consumption.

An interesting idea. This way, you wouldn't hae to pay any more taxes than you wish; simply spend money only on things that you don't mind paying taxes on. No more loopholes in the tax code for businesses or wealthy. Very fair way to do it. But it won't change anytime soon. Get the full text at the Washington Post online (http://www.washingtonpost.com).

First Post

2005-04-03T17:17:00.000-05:00

I'm not really sure why I'm bothering to start a weblog (blog)... but I have. This may be an E/n (Everything/nothing) type of site... it may end up being a N/n (Nothing/nothing) site. Who cares? I just suddenly felt the urge to put my life into the very public spotlight otherwise known as the World Wide Web.

Advanced Remediation is a term I just made up. It refers to the best of the worst. The potential to become great, but we ain't there yet. I don't know what it means... but I had to call this page something.